I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
