At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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