This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
