why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
