I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
