hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
