wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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