booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
