I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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