ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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