Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
