she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
