Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
