The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
