Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
