watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
