u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
