it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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