people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
