I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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