my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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