he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
