It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
