I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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