I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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