So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
