what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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