That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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