Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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