Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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