you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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