i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
