Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
