I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
