Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
