mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
