I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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