Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she smelled like a LAN party
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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