I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Randomize
