If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
