im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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