who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
