dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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