I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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