i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
