I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
