Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
