Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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