I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
