So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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